Ten Months Without My Sweet Mum

Ten Months Without My Sweet Mum

The power of words can evoke empathy and

provide a source of strength for those

who are still navigating the turbulent waters of grief

My Dearest Darling Mum

Ma, ever since I suffered the sudden and shocking loss of you 10 months ago, I have been crying so many tears I lost myself as a motherless daughter, missing you more than I could stand, and not knowing how I would get through an entire lifetime without you, so I started writing about my personal journey through this lonely and brutal new path

Ma, the earth has been spinning on in the past 10 months, yet I remain tethered to grief's strife, no longer guided by you, I navigate alone, in this unfamiliar land, and your indefinite physical absence is a heavy weight I cannot deny, but it fuelled my spirit, and urged me to write down my agony and despair, as I had to get all my pain and hurt out

Ma, your unexpected departure from this planet 10 months ago, brought me to writing, as I not only found my voice and my truth, but most significantly, I also found therapeutic in the words that were flowing from my soul, since it has been becoming my confidant, my friend, and my healer, and writing my sorrow down was the only way that worked

Ma, it has been tremendously hard to live with the cruel reality that others act afraid of, like my heartache is contagious, as grief is immensely painful and relentless as it has been, so I refused to pretend that it is not so, when it knocked on my door 10 months ago, I refused to pretend your passing, was not a devastating and catastrophic life event

Ma, I have learned that sharing my heartbreak as much as my resilience allows for the last 10 months, enables me to grasp the truth of grief, it is messy and complicated, and I could fill several books trying to describe, what it has been like to be a motherless daughter or to address the torment of knowing what both you and I have been missing out

Ma, 10 months on, suffice to say that, it has been so damn tough to hide my personal grief journey and the consequences of it, since I cannot pretend to hold strength and courage at an unattainable level or consistency, even though I have survived a time, that did not seem at all survivable, so I will continue to write, carry your legacy and honour you

Ma, I am a daughter, forever changed, by the awful loss of you, that left me rearranged 10 months ago, I thought I was strong and resolute, but even trying to write this, is a struggle, because I know it so damn well that, millions of words would not bring you right back here, I know because I tried, neither would millions of tears, I know because I cried