Second Easter Without My Vibrant Mum

Second Easter Without My Vibrant Mum

Though the ache of missing you may never fully subside

I take comfort in the belief that

love transcends the boundaries of time and space

Mum, Philip & Me

Ma, Easter is here once more, and it is the second long weekend, that we are spending in a foreign city, without the cheerful presence of you by our side, it is unavoidable this break is marred by a profound sense of loss and longing, as we are grappling with the diabolical reality of traversing the globe without your infectious laughter and radiate smile, leaving us feeling adrift in a sea of sadness, when the damn ache in my heart is as palpable as ever, and the damn pain of your permanent physical absence cuts deeper than ever

Ma, for years, Easter weekend was a time of exploration and amusement for us, when we eagerly embarked on our journeys, to discover the wonders of different countries together, from bustling cities to tranquil shores, we immersed ourselves in the new experiences and cultures, yet, for the second year, your harrowing absence casts a damn dark shadow over our travels, when memories of our past escapades are flooding my mind, since each one a precious reminder of the adventures we undertook, that I hold dear to this day

Ma, in the weeks leading up to this second Easter weekend, the planning of our forthcoming trip had been tinged with guilt and unease, and I could not help but felt a sense of betrayal wash over me, how could we possibly continue to tour the damn world without you walking alongside us in the cobblestone streets or in the crowded markets, when you were such an integral part of our odysseys for so many years? I found myself on pins and needles all the time, as though arranging this visit in your absence, was being disloyal to you

Ma, it feels like a betrayal every time we set foot in a new land without you, a sad betrayal of the countless memories we created together, a betrayal of the traditions we had upheld year after year, each mile only serves to deepen the wound, leaving me feeling vulnerable in your absence, each step we take and each new stamp in our passports, a damn painful reminder of what once was, and a piece of my heart left behind with each destination that we went, knowing that you would never be there to experience it with us again

Ma, the first Easter weekend without you last year, was a bloody mess and a damn ordeal, that marked by heartache and introspection, I remember boarding the flight, I found myself engulfed in a tidal wave of sorrow, that seemed to swallow me whole, once the plane took off, the floodgates opened, and I sobbed uncontrollably in my damn seat for the duration of the journey, as I scuffled with the enormity of your loss, the immense pain of your absence, and it was a physical manifestation of grief, that weighed heavily on my chest

Ma, this second Easter weekend, however, feels markedly different, as we wander through the winding streets, savour the flavours of local cuisine, marvel at the architectural beauty, and create new memories, in the absence of you, our constant companion, we share your delightful stories, finding comfort in the knowledge that you are here with us in spirit, every step of the way, and we carry your endless love with us, knowing that you will always be a part of our journey, like a beacon of shining light, and guiding our path forward

Ma, it seemed inconceivable that I could ever find joy in travel again, as every sight, every sound, and every fleeting moment served as a damn uninviting reminder of your agonising loss, as we negotiate this second Easter weekend without you, we do so with hearts full of gratitude for the unforgettable moments we shared, and as we continue our globetrotting in your stinging absence, we honour your enduring legacy in all that we do, in the end, Easter is not only about the places we visit, but it is the unbreakable bond we shared