Our Third Easter Without Mum: Three Hearts Carrying Hers

Our Third Easter Without Mum:

Three Hearts Carrying Hers

Mum, we are incomplete without you, yes

but somehow we are also more complete now

because of how much of you remains in each of us

Faxi & Philip

Ma, this Easter marks the third one without you, the third one of walking into weekend with hearts heavy and eyes searching, the third one of feeling the unmistakable absence where you used to stand, the third one of missing the familiar comfort of your charming presence, especially during times like these, when the world blooms in pastels, when chocolate eggs appear in shop windows, when the air smells of possibility, just as it did when you were still here with us, the third one of navigating holidays that once revolved around your infectious smile and your undeniable love, looking back, it is not the places that shine brightest in my mind, it is you, and the way you made everything feel whole

Ma, Easter was never just a holiday for us, it was an experience you breathed life into, and it was never just about the places we travelled to, but about how you transformed every trip into something memorable, each Easter weekend was filled with your radiant laughter, and the joy of traveling together to new cities, each journey held your curiosity, and your love of discovering new things, all while weaving our little family closer together, those adventures were always special, and those weekends shimmer in my memory, not just because of the destinations we visited, but because you were there, weaving magic into every meal, every banter, every giggle, and every small, but precious moment

Ma, those first two Easters without you were landscapes of absence, that felt like the world with one sense dimmed, the air was thinner, the colours muted, Philip and I, just two of us, tried continuing our travels, we went through the motions, booked trips, packed bags, even took photos, but it felt like we were walking with a phantom limb, and orbiting nothing, each stunning view just emphasised your absence, each meal missing its most vital ingredient - you, as no beautiful setting could disguise that the absence was a presence all its own, the first Easter after losing you suddenly was a haze of shock, a blur of numbness, the second one, was shadowed by a vast void that no scenery could fill

Ma, this is the third Easter without your vibrant laughter ringing through our travels, but this year feels different, something very special is happened, Faxi, my brother, crossed oceans from the other side of the world to join Philip and me, the math of missing and the equation changed, since we are not three people missing a fourth, but, we are traveling as four, just rearranged, for the first time since we unexpectedly lost you, we truly feel your zestful spirit walking beside us, not as a ghost, but as the quiet pulse of love, that now beats through all three of us, and I also realise something extraordinary that we carry you with us, not just in our hearts and souls, our memories, but, in the way we are

Ma, it had been so long since we were all together like this, so this year, the three of us set off together, a trio, reminiscent of past times when we used to travel with you, though there were still moments, when the grief caught me off guard, that stole my breath, but, this time, the sadness is not drowning me, the pang comes with a strange comfort, somehow, it feels more like a recognition, like when I spot an old friend across a crowded room, that perpetual ache is part of me now, yet this Easter weekend, I felt something fuller, richer, not because we hurt less, but something within us has shifted, not because our longing has erased, but we realise that you are still here teaching us how to love life

Ma, on this third Easter without you, though the empty chair at breakfast still stings, though I would give anything to travel with you, just one more time, but I have noticed something, I had not quite seen before, as we journey together, as we share meals and conversations, I felt your presence more vividly than I had in the past two years, in the way we teased each other, in the way we paused to admire the same little things you would have, in the way we fell into the comfortable rhythm of being us, for the first time since your abrupt absence, we not just miss you, but we recognise you, in Faxi’s tender care, in Philip’s easy charm, in my own resilience, you are here with us, in us, and everywhere

 

Ma, your physical absence will always ache, but this Easter, something felt almost whole, it is still not the same, it never will be, however, I have learned that family is not just who is at the table, it is who lives on in the hearts seated around it, and I have realised something so powerful, together, we feel like a family again, together, each carries a part of you, a piece of your heart, your joy, your strength, together, we complete you, the kind of completeness that grief cannot take away, together, we bring you back to life, piece by piece, we make a living mosaic of you, this year, we not just mourn what is gone, we celebrate what remains, your love, now multiplied between three hearts instead of one