300 Days Without My Selfless Mum

300 Days Without My Selfless Mum

The worst pain of losing you so unexpectedly and

becoming a motherless daughter and an adult orphan so suddenly

Mum, Dad & Me

Ma, in the early hours of that dreadful morning, 300 days ago, you were stolen from us so unexpectedly, when I walked away from that damn hospital room, looked at the dark night sky and saw the universe that had never looked so massive, and I was all alone in it, you, that one unconditional love I knew, was gone, somehow, I felt like an orphan wandering in a large world, a lost child with no Mum and Dad, at the age of 49

Ma, when my Dad sadly passed away 17 years ago, my life was dramatically altered, but I still had you left to anaesthetise my pain, and helped me to process the depths of my grief over the years, but losing you 300 days ago, had brought an entirely new dimension to that hurt, inflamed all my emotions that were lying dormant inside me, and plugged me into this bottomless pit of despair, as I am now becoming an adult orphan

Ma, my feeling of being an orphan is still as raw as it was on that fateful day 300 days ago, as you were the last person, who knew me in and out, as child, through my teens, and my adulthood, though I am lucky enough to be a sister and a wife, but I have felt this immense sadness for my now defunct role as a daughter, I am your baby daughter no more, as your abrupt departure took away that role, and left nothing in its place

Ma, although I am fortunate to have a caring brother and a loving husband by my side, yet, the feeling of being an orphan persists, as I discovered the most excruciating pain was the sudden change of my identity 300 days ago, when you were taken from us so soon, and it affected me in the most existential and profound way, since I lost my last connection to my roots, my ties, my childhood, my past, and my sense of belonging