16 Months Without My Incredible Mum

The depth of my love for my dearest Mum remains an unwritten poem

an unsung melody, an infinite chorus that echoes in the corridors of my heart

Ma, even 16 lonely motherless months on, as I have been grappling with the excruciating loss of you, and my love for you remains an eternal flame, a flame that continues to burn brightly, unaltered by the passage of time or the limitations of mortal words, as love, in all its enormity, it is a force that defies quantification, an emotion that swells within the heart, and so, when I told you I love you, it was an attempt to convey a sentiment that stretches far beyond the articulation capacity of language

Ma, throughout my whole damn existence, I had uttered those three simple words, "I love you," countless times, each time those words left my lips, that carried the weight of a billion sentiments, a testament to the immeasurable and everlasting affection I hold for you, but in the echoes of treasured memories we created, and the vastness of your physical absence, those words seemed insufficient, inadequate, or infrequent, that unable to encompass the boundless love that flows within my heart for you

Ma, I have been navigating a damn new world, where those three words can no longer be spoken in your precious presence, for the past 16 searing months, but the deepest love I feel for you, even in your absence, remains an unyielding part of my essence, as it was a silent pact between our souls, an infinite affection that words can only try to mirror, but can never fully encapsulate, an unspoken understanding that the love we shared, in its purest form, extends beyond the borders of expression

Ma, it is in those damn moments, when your permanent physical absence feels most acute that I realise the meagreness of words, because the magnitude of my love for you, was not bound by the constraints of vocabulary, but it is a love between a mother and her child that thrived in the warmth of shared glances, the tenderness of embraces, the numerous small moments that stitched together the very fabric of our connection, a love needs no words to be felt, a love defines the very core of my being

Ma, I have been traversing this isolated journey without you by my side, in the last 16 dark months, whilst I am holding onto the ineffable beauty of your unequivocal love, since your love was a gift that shaped my world and nurtured my spirit, your love was a guiding light that illuminated the darkest paths, continuing to inspire me, your love was a sanctuary that sheltered me from life's storms and bolstered me through every trial, and it was a love that flowed effortlessly, without uttering a single word

Ma, in your cherished presence, love was not a proclamation but a living, breathing entity, that bound us in an unbreakable bond, it was an energy that comforted me in moments of troubles, permeated our shared laughter, and lent meaning to the ordinary days we spent together, the rarest love we had for each other, was beyond measure, beyond count, and beyond comprehension, it is a love that reverberates in the echoes of my forever wounded heart, whispering your name in every damn beat

Ma, if I could gather the stars and weave them into words, if I could capture the essence of eternity in a phrase, if I could whisper "I love you" a zillion times over, and if I could have a lifetime of moments to express my love for you, and to shower you with adoration, it would still fall short, as if those damn words were a mere drop in the ocean of emotions that your beautiful presence invoked, yet, with each passing day of the past 16 excruciating months, the intensity of my love for you seemed to deepen