In my dear Mum’s forever absence, all I do is wonder

my mind is filled with an endless stream of questions

and looping thoughts that never seem to quiet down

as the deafening silence that leaves me wondering

if she is really gone or if her spirit lingers in the air

in the sunlight that breaks through the clouds or

in the songs of the birds that visit her pretty garden

And now, I wonder about everything about her

I wonder if she knew just how much she was loved

I wonder if she felt the depth of our gratitude for

everything she gave us and every sacrifice she made

I wonder if she ever saw herself the way we saw her

this remarkable, irreplaceable little unique lady

who was the heart of everything to all of our lives

Without her here with us, I wonder too many things

I wonder why she had to leave before we were ready

I wonder if she knows how much we all miss her

I wonder if she realises how much we still need her

I wonder if she is proud of how we have been coping

I hope she knows that we are trying to do our best

even when our loss feels too big and heavy to carry

I wonder if she knows her strength still inspires me

I wonder if I can ever live up to the example she set

some days I wonder if I will ever stop wondering

even in the questions, my love for her remains strong

it is something I know she must have felt then and now

so, I wonder, I wonder, and I will continue to wonder

as long as I do, I will always feel a part of her close