Losing my beautiful Mum without warning

it felt like my world collapsed in an instant

as there was no time to prepare myself for

the grief that would swallow me whole

as though the light inside me has dimmed

I have walked through life as a grieving ghost

barely breathing, just doing enough to survive

In this state, it was hard to engage with life

every day felt like I am disconnected from reality

I get up, eat, sleep, and I go through the motions

I function enough to exist, not enough to truly live

since my mind drifts thousands of miles away

lost in memories and a constant longing for her

but my ache makes it impossible to be otherwise

And yet, through this haze of loss and numbness

my darling husband Philip has not given up on me

even when I am mentally far away, not fully present

it must be so hard for him, living with a grieving ghost

who was once joyful, laughed easily and loved fiercely

but is now buried beneath the weight of her absence

despite my brokenness and distance, he is still here

He takes on so much, more than I can acknowledge

he sees me, even when I am in this ghost like shape

he loves me, even when I have nothing left to give

he lets me live in this in-between place to mourn

he keeps me tethered to the world, reminding me

there is still love, still life, even when I cannot feel it

I thank him, even when the words get lost in my silence