The Third New Year Without Mum: From Joy to Heartache

The Third New Year Without Mum

From Joy to Heartache

My beautiful Mum, on this third New Year in your profound absence

here is to you, always loved, always missed, and always celebrated

My Beautiful Mum & Philip

Ma, New Year, a time of hope, celebration, and new beginnings, used to be the pinnacle of joy in our family, New Year’s Eve, a night when excitement glittered like champagne, when dreams for the future felt infinite, and when the world seemed to hold so many possibilities, it was magical, not just because of the occasion itself, but how you made it larger than life, for you, it was more than a holiday, it was a chance to embrace life, love, and laughter with your whole heart, and you adored this day so very much, you did not just celebrate it, but you owned it, and you lived for it, with your unmatched enthusiasm, style and energy, now, the happiest time of year has become the worst for us all

Ma, since your sudden passing, New Year has felt hollow, the enjoyment, the sparkle, and the charm, all of it feels like it left with you, it is a day that once felt like a celebration, but it now feels like a brutal reminder of your unexpected loss, a day filled with memories and an irreplaceable void, because grief has a way of reshaping even the brightest moments, and the first New Year’s Eve without you was a blur of tears and longing, we tried to keep your traditions alive by wearing a dress you would have loved, eating a special dinner, watching the fireworks with a brave face, but your absence was so overwhelming, your giggling was not there to fill the silence, and to make the day feel alive

Ma, today, as we are facing the third New Year without you, the world around us is gearing up for celebration, but for us, it is a season of grief, what was once the highlight of the year has become its most painful reminder of your profound absence, we find ourselves bracing for the ache that comes with it, we are caught between yearning and loss, and we are torn between honouring your memory and struggling to see this day in the same light, since the countdown feels endless without you holding our hands, the fireworks seem dimmer, even the act of dressing up feels pointless when you are not here to see us shine, this night that once filled with your radiance, is replaced by our sadness

Ma, New Year was always your holiday, and it was always your stage, on New Year’s Eve, you would transform the night into a fairytale, one where you were the queen, dressed like a million dollars, dazzling with your elegance and smile, we were your enchanted kingdom, for you, it was not just about turning the page on the calendar, but it was a grand occasion to celebrate the beauty of life, a way of saying to the world, “Here I am, ready for whatever comes next”, we would pick out your outfit together weeks in advance, you would step out, looking glamorous, as if you belonged on the red carpet, the night was your own personal gala, and innately pulling us all into your world of brilliance

Ma, your love for New Year was contagious, and invariably making this holiday an intimate family affair, as the dinner was an event in itself, always the heart of the evening, because it was not just a meal, it was a celebration of togetherness, a gathering of love, you prized for seeing the table surrounded by the people you loved most, when midnight approached, you became the life of the countdown, you were especially fond of Auld Lang Syne, it is as if the song itself could bind us together forever, then came the fireworks, the crown jewel of the night, your childlike awe lighting up the sky more than the display itself, you never tired of marvelling at its wonder, as if seeing it for the first time

Ma, we travelled the world to celebrate the festive holiday in breathtaking places, and every New Year’s Eve with you was an adventure, a celebration of family, and a promise of great days ahead, no matter where we were, you always turned every place into home, and you ensured everyone felt included, were part of something extraordinary, we used to plan our trips, choosing destinations that matched your zest for life, but now, traveling does not hold the same allure without you, as the dinners are quieter, the countdowns once thrilling, now bring tears to our eyes, each firework, a thunderous reminder of the spark we had lost, and this day has gone from being the happiest to the loneliest

Ma, as we step into another year without you, it is impossible not to miss you, as grief has altered the meaning of special days, New Year will never again be the carefree celebration it once was, but we are learning that it does not have to be, this year, we will wear dresses, not just for the occasion but for you, at midnight, we will whisper a wish to the stars, we will imagine you standing beside us, smiling with that familiar glow of love, even in the ache of your absence, we feel your vibrant presence in the memories, the fireworks, the melody of Auld Lang Syne, and most importantly, we will try to see the night through your eyes, full of amazement and possibility, we wish you were here with us