Second New Year Without My Dearest Mum

Second New Year Without

My Dearest Mum

My darling Mum

the turn of the calendar

you might not walk this year

by my side like you once were

but you will walk forever in my heart and soul

My Dearest Darling Mum

Ma, for you, New Year's Eve used to be your day, it was once a day your held dear, a night that once carried enchantment and hope, especially, when the familiar notes of "Auld Lang Syne", after the midnight countdown, its melody, once a symbol of continuity, has become a poignant reminder of what cannot be reclaimed, its lyrics speak of old acquaintances, but this year, for the second time, the most significant one, you, my precious Ma is missing

Ma, this day, which used to be filled, with your infectious enthusiasm and rapturous delight, now, pierces through the quietness, serving as a painful marker of time without you, brings with it, the harsh reality of another year beginning, in your permanent absence, becomes a stark intimation of the immeasurable loss, we have been feeling ever since you, my darling Ma departed from our lives, hence, reminding us that, this night will forever be different

Ma, in this second New Year, we stand in the shadows, grieving for the greatest love, that we have lost, we confront the unchanged wrongness of your absence, acknowledging the difficulty of living in the newness of every damn day, and it is a daunting challenge for us to face 365 more days without you being around, each one stretching out in front of us like an endless expanse of darkness, and navigate life's passage without your loving presence

Ma, as this year is coming to a close, the magic of the night transforms into a bitter dance, with memories of past New Year's Eves, the sound of laughter, the clinking of glasses, and the warmth of our shared moments, are all vivid, but now, those reminiscences only serve as excruciating cue of what is no more, and each recollection is the echoes of your radiant smile and charming presence seem both near and distant, a paradox of time and longing

Ma, New Year's Eve used to be a time to dream of possibilities and resolutions, yet, as we stand on the cusp of the second year without you, the promises of a prosperous future are overshadowed by the brutal truth of your forever physical absence, the waves of grief may be familiar, but on this day, crashing with a tremendous intensity, the cliches of damn new beginnings ring hollow, and one resolution we long for, a reunion with you is unattainable

Ma, as the clock strikes midnight and the world welcomes the New Year, where the cheers of others, and the celebrations around us, only accentuate the absence within, and there is a muted dialogue, a muffled conversation, with the indomitable spirit of love, that you gifted us, a void, a silence, that no damn festive party can fill, and it is a melancholy night, where our heartache and our tears, are as much a part of the damn celebration as the fireworks

Ma, this second New Year, in the absence of your vibrant presence, is sadly not marked by grand celebrations, but by an unspoken commemoration of your presence in spirit, and our pain extend far beyond the spectacular celebratory displays, knowing that the lack, you left behind is a testament to the huge impact you had on our lives, in the face of this dispiriting new year, and the inescapable grief, we must endure another year of survival without you