First Mother's Day Without Mum

First Mother's Day Without Mum

Though the immense pain of your absence remains

your legacy of love continues to guide and inspire us

My beautiful Mum

Ma, a Mother's Day is a time to celebrate mothers, but losing you my dearest beautiful Ma was one of the deepest sorrows my wounded heart could ever known, that it was actually worse than anything I could ever have imagined, each special occasion, anniversary, and holiday, that rolls around, in particular, on this very first Mother's Day, in your sad absence, is making my scared heart even more heavier

Ma, days like Mother’s Day, the way the days and weeks was leading up to it utterly sting, as everywhere I went and everything I looked was like a flashing sign reminding me that I will never ever have you in my life ever again, as the hurt found me with every commercial, every email, and every shop I entering, it was almost impossible to escape those constant reminders, that was a tough reality to process

Ma, there is nowhere I can avoid seeing mothers and children enjoying the things we once did and we will never get to do again, every restaurant is filled with celebrations of mothers on a day that is so deservingly dedicated to them, and social media has becoming a shrine to Mums as everyone praises the “best Mum in the world”, so not only I am feeling a huge void, sadly, but also a large amount of jealousy

Ma, your love was known no bounds and it was the most sincere and selfless love, as this bond was developed naturally from the moment I was brought into your life and continued throughout my life, you were unconditionally giving, nurturing and showering me with your care, support, and affection, it is because of this special bond between us that regrettably makes my world without you feel unfathomable

Ma, there is no one never ever love me as you did in my life in the whole universe, never, ever, as your love was pure, unequivocal and countless, and I will never be loved that way ever again for the remainder of my lives, that is the reason why the devastating loss of you was irrecoverable, in my heart you hold a place, no one else will never ever fill, it simply is impossible anyone will never ever replace you

Ma, on this first Mother’s Day without you, I also remember that how fortunate and lucky I was that you were in my life, and how proud and blessed I was of being your daughter, as I yearned for your love during my entire life, reached for the security, strength, and comfort I knew only you could provide at times of illness, trouble, or stress, so I am truly thankful for having you to lean on through the difficult journey

Ma, it has been extremely challenging to try and move forward with my life, when you, my best teacher, my shiniest guiding light, my closest confidant, my biggest fan, my most loyal defender, my solidest rock, and my absolute everything throughout my entire existence, is gone, since you were my Ma, I am half you and your DNA is coursing through my veins, so I will forever miss you and I wish you were here