First Holiday Without My Darling Mum

First Holiday Without My Darling Mum

It is here

that used to be

our joyous family holiday time of year

but this year

the excruciatingly painful first holiday

without my beautiful Mum

has dreadfully arrived

Family Holiday

After I lost my dear Mum on 04 October 2022 so suddenly

when the very first holiday rolled around without her

just a couple months later was a total struggle for me

I felt her absence acutely and there was no joy to be found

The first holiday arrived whether I was emotionally ready or not

the thought of facing it brought many nights of tears

and a heavy feeling of dread and unbearable sadness

as I was still firmly in that dislocated and shocked state

That first holiday without my Mum was incredibly heartbreaking

after we spent so many together and she is no longer here

holidays that were once joyous and exciting for us

but that meaning of happy holidays had shifted forever

During that first holiday I felt overwhelmingly sad and weepy

I managed to wade through the deluge of raw grief

holidays without my daring Mum are just not the same

my holidays will never look and feel exactly the same again