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Mum & Furong

My Grief Journey


Grief is simply love that has lost its home!

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A Memorial Garden for Mum: Honouring Her Radiant Spirit Two Years On

  • Writer: Furong Xing Naghten
    Furong Xing Naghten
  • Oct 4, 2024
  • 4 min read

Updated: Apr 8

A Memorial Garden for Mum:

Honouring Her Radiant Spirit Two Years On



This memorial garden with its purple hues and tranquil beauty
is a place where my Mum’s spirit lives on
and a space that is entirely hers

My Radiant Mum
My Radiant Mum
Ma, losing you unexpectedly and suddenly two years ago, was a life changing experience, one that altered the course of my life in ways I never could have imagined, and the pain of your indefinite absence remains as fresh and sharp as ever, this year, Philip and I found a meaningful way to honour your loving memory, and created a special tribute to capture the essence of who you were and the love you brought into our lives, when we embarked on a heartfelt project, a memorial garden, a labour of love, and now, on the second anniversary of your excruciating passing, stands as a testament to your radiant spirit

Ma, this project holds such a great significance for us, because of the memories tied to the very part of garden, where you lovingly grew runner beans every year, watched them climb and flourish, nurtured with the same care you gave to your family, and the same dedication you showed in all aspects of your life, even it was a seemingly ordinary task, but it was the little things that brought you joy, and a sense of connection to the earth, somehow, just few weeks before your abrupt departure, when you harvested the last crop and took everything off, you said to me, almost offhandedly, that you would never plant again

Ma, at the time, I did not think much of what you really meant, and I did not understand the bloody weight of your words, but those words, have haunted me ever since, and still are, in hindsight, your words feel almost prophetic, as if you knew something, we did not, as if you knew, on some level, that a change was coming, as if you knew, in some inexplicable way, that your time with us was drawing to a close, and as if you were preparing to leave us in a way, we could never have anticipated, nonetheless, looking back, it felt like a poignant and mysterious farewell from you, if only we had known, what we know now

Ma, when your incredible life cut short two years ago, we simply could not bring ourselves to plant runner beans in that spot again, as the thought of it, felt too painful, too damn final, too much like trying to recreate something that was inherently yours, as if it would mean to accept your absence in a way we were not ready to, the soil, where you once worked your magic, a space that once thrived with life, now lay bare, it was your number one son-in-law Philip, who came up with the idea of transforming it into something, that would honour you that felt right to both of us, and so, the memorial garden project was born

Ma, together, we worked on the project, pouring our hearts and grief into every detail, each element was chosen with intention, to reflect your vibrant personality, every decision made was infused with thoughts of you, what you loved, or what would make you smile, since we carefully selected your favourite colour, purple, to be the theme, incorporated it throughout the area, purple stones now cover the ground, a purple bench offers a place to sit and feel close to you, and even purple lighting adds a gentle, soothing glow as night falls, that feels like you watch over us, all of which, resonates with tranquility you adored

Ma, your memorial garden, a follow-up to the website, I personally designed and created in your honour for the first anniversary of your unanticipated departure, a digital space, where your life and legacy could be celebrated by everyone, where I can share your unique story, letting the world know, how exceptional you were, but this project feels even more intimate, tangible, and real, that crafted with our hands and our souls, a private sanctuary, where we can find comfort in remembering the beauty that you brought to us, a space filled with love, just as you were, and a place where your spirit continues to shine vividly

Ma, losing you was the worst thing I have ever faced, we do not yet know what project we will undertake for the third year, but we do know that whatever it is, it will be done with the same love that we have put into these first two years, as each year brings new challenges, each project, whether a website, a garden, or something entirely different, is a new way for us to keep your memory alive, on your second anniversary, this memorial garden is our gift to you, a palpable expression of the admiration we have for you, every flower, every stone, a declaration of we remember you, we love you, and you are still with us
 
 
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Furong Xing Naghten

I am a motherless daughter and an adult orphan, who loves passionately and grieves intensely, as I write and share about my personal grief journey with others, after I lost my darling Mum on 04 October 2022

to major stroke so suddely and so unexpectedly, with the hope that it might comfort, help and inspire people on their own journey.

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"Mum, I will forever 
cherish the love that
we once shared "

Furong
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A smile and a wave 
you were loved by all

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 In the midst of mourning of

my darling Mum’s unexpected and sudden passing

I found comfort in the written word

the paper absorbed my tears and the pen

became the companion to my grief-stricken heart

the emotions, too overwhelming for spoken language

found refuge in the silent conversation between ink and paper "

- Furong Xing Naghten

Furong
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