15 Months Without My Wonderful Mum

Mum, your warmth and love illuminating every corner of my life

your laughter was a melody filled our home

and you were a constant in my lives

Ma, once upon a time, our lives were a tapestry woven with threads of happiness, joy, and laughter, all carefully crafted by the purest love of you, my darling Ma, and all held together by your endearing presence, however, 15 months ago, the unexpected and sudden loss of the heart that beat at the centre of our blissful symphony, changed everything, left our lives unravelling, and the vibrant colours turned to shades of grief

Ma, 15 months ago, our days were painted with hues of fun, echoing through the corridors of our home, very much like a beautiful concord of sound, were once orchestrated by your cheerful spirit, since you had a special ability to turn the mundane into the extraordinary, to find humour in every moments, to infuse levity into challenges, and most impressively, you made our life, a very delightful journey, with admirable ease

Ma, the script of our lives took an unforeseen turn, and the euphoric melody turned into a mournful tune, 15 months ago, as the poignant silence that followed your abrupt departure became the loudest sound, reverberating through those empty spaces, you once filled with your warmth, and our house now is haunted by your physical absence, which leaving us to grapple with the cruel reality of happiness is so damn fragile

Ma, the unfathomable journey from a life full of enjoyment to the haunting silence left in the wake of your devastating loss, has been profound for the past 15 months, our home, once resonant with amusement, became a bloody quiet and unfamiliar place, happiness, once a constant companion, became a ghost that lingering in the corners of our lives, the vibrancy of our joys, was replaced with our deepest sorrow and woes

Ma, grief has a way of reshaping our lives, a way of stealing the simplest of pleasures, and laughter was no exception, in the aftermath of your awful passing, I found myself forgetting the very essence of what once brought me so much happiness, and I have been struggling to remember how to laugh, in the last 15 months, the very act, that once came so naturally and flowed so bloody effortlessly, became a distant memory

Ma, grief comes with a series of sweeping losses, far more beyond the heartbreaking loss of you my dearest Ma, there was the loss of contentment, the loss of comfort, and the loss of companionship, it was not just the loss of your loving physical presence, but the way in which it was taken from us, 15 months ago, no warning, no notice, and no damn hint at all, that was so excruciating, empty and lonely is what I am now

Ma, we lost a precious shining star so damn soon, 15 months ago, life is so unpredictable, life is so unfair, and life is so damn short, but this difficult cross I must bear, in the absence of you, grief, in all its brutality, has become a part of my story and my identity, one that I am carrying with me, as I navigate the uncertain path of life, lamentably, to accept that you are with me here, NO MORE, has been a bloody ongoing battle