Much has changed, since my Mum’s sudden loss

we still hold onto the daily routines, keep doing

the things we used to do when she was with us

it is like muscle memory, our hearts and minds

have not adjusted to a new world of her absence

we still feel her in the ordinary rhythm of our days

as though we preserve the life we shared together

We still say "good morning" and "good night" to her

as if she is still waking up to the world with us and

closing the day by our side with her radiate smile

we still open and close her shutters, bedroom door

we still turn on and off her lights, and go through

the motions of a life that still feels tied to her

it feels as though she is still part of our household

Even now, we still talk to her as if she is listening

we still crack jokes, imagining her witty comebacks

and the light-hearted teasing she was so good at

we are not expecting an answer, yet, somehow

the act of speaking to her keeps her presence alive

even if just in our hearts, and ensuring that she

remains part of the ongoing story of our lives

These routines, are more than just habits, but

offer us a sense of normalcy and continuity

these simple actions are not signs of denial, but

help us cope with the enormity of her absence

so we are not ready to let go of these rituals

not just for her, for us, too, as we learn to live

without her but never without her memory