Mum, Because of You, 37 Months of Survival, Strength, and Love

Mum, Because of You

37 Months of Survival, Strength, and Love

Mum, because of you, we have stood through pain, through loss, through tears

like falling rain, you built in us a strength unknown, we now call our own

My Darling Mum

Ma, 37 months ago, in a single, cruel moment, you were gone, and the world went silent in an instant, the phone call, the complete shock, the sheer, physics defying impossibility of it all shattered our universe into a trillion unrecognisable pieces, you left without warning, so sudden, sharp, the moment came, everything changed, and our lives were never quite the same again, the word “unexpected” feels so small, so clinical, to describe the cataclysm of your astonishing departure, the abruptness of your loss was so brutal, so unthinkable, that even now we still cannot believe that actually happened, 37 months, a measure of time we never imagined we would count in your absence, the void is so vast and no amount of time can make it smaller

 

Ma, 37 months since we were forced into a harsh reality we could never have prepared for, but because of you, our hearts broke beyond repair when you were stolen from us, and the breaking was so absolute, so total, that it felt like the ground beneath us gave way, we had fallen apart, each fragment containing a different memory of you, since we never imagined life without you, one minute you were here, vibrant, irreplaceable, the heart of our family, in the next, you were no longer here, our devastation was the direct, proportional measure of your importance, our hearts are now mosaics, pieced back together with the jagged edges of loss and the golden glue of your love, yes, they still beat, but the rhythm is different, that wound, still bleeds 

 

Ma, grief did not just visit us 37 months ago, it moved in, it rearranged our bones, it carved a canyon through our chests so deep we thought we would drown in it, because of you, we were torn, left aching, hollowed out, and worn, a grief so enormous, no end in sight, but we realised that only a love as great as ours, could fracture us this completely, this pain, is the shadow side of the light you poured into us, it is the cost of being your child, we have pay it a hundred times over, even 37 months later, your absence is still shocking, still surreal, still impossible for us to accept, some days it feels like only yesterday that we gathered in utter disbelief, unable to comprehend the enormity of your loss, because, that scar are too deep for time to mend it

 

Ma, the pain of losing you is not a clean break, but a web of a zillion tiny fissures, that runs through the very foundation of who we are, as I look back now and see every thread of our being, every lesson carried in our hearts, every joy we knew, before the world shifted, it all traces back to you, since your love gave us our shape, your wisdom gave us our compass, your kindness gave us our souls, your values became the standard by which we try to live, everything good in us has its roots in you, as you held our hands when we were small, and even as we grew older, you never let go, you were our confidante, our harbour, the person we could always turn to, without explanation, without fear of judgment, but now nothing felt steady without you

 

Ma, the early days were a blur, a landscape of numbness and screaming pain, as we could not breathe, when the very air had been robbed from our lungs, we could not even find the strength to put one foot in front of the other when the ground had vanished beneath us, but because of you, we have survived 37 months of grief, that we considered unsurvivable, 37 months of ache that felt endless, of tears that refused to dry, 37 months of walking through days that seemed helpless and nights that seemed unbearable, of learning how to live in a world, where your presence is missing, yet, your love, unseen but unshakable, has kept us going, the very love that broke our hearts with your absence is the same love that has held our family together 

 

Ma, you left us with more than grief, you left us with the tools, that we have used to survive in the past 37 months, as you equipped us for a journey, you never knew we would have to take too soon, in your absence, we finally understood the depth of your craftsmanship, you did not just give us the tools, but the reasons to live without you, we look at each other and we see you, even when we thought we would collapse under the weight of our despair, but because of you, we found strength in the very parts of us that we first learned from you, we found the way because you had already shown us how, the resilience we muster each day is your resilience, and the courage we hold each other is the courage you modelled in your own life challenges

 

Ma, 37 months have passed, and both truths live side by side, the devastation of your loss, and the immeasurable gift of your life, we have learned the hard art of integration, weaving our love and our grief for you into the ongoing narrative of our lives, you are the reason we are who we are, the reason we are broken, the reason we are still standing, but it is on the foundation you built for us, we are still breathing, but with an awareness of how fragile and precious life is, we are still alive as to let your legacy fade would be the greatest tragedy of all, we wear your absence like a locket over our hearts, heavy, precious, but we also wear your love like armour, it shields us, reminding us that fate stole your presence, but it could never steal your spirit