Mum, A Day to Celebrate Your Unique Life

Mum, A Day to Celebrate Your Unique Life 

Mum, your irreplaceable essence was released into all of us who loved you

and who continue to love you beyond the confines of time and space

My Beautiful Mum

Ma, 3 years ago today, we gathered, the sun might have been shining, perhaps it was rain, I honestly could not tell you, as the world outside had lost its colour, its definition, because we came together not for a birthday party, or the usual milestones, that dotted the calendar of your unique life, but we were there, to celebrate your remarkable life in its entirety, to try, with our broken hearts, to capture the uncapturable, the immense essence of you, and yet, no matter how many words were spoken, how many stories were shared, how many tears fell, or how many memories came to the surface, no single day could ever hold the fullness of you, as you were too vast, too radiant, too extraordinary to ever be contained within one ceremony, or one moment 

 

Ma, that day, 3 years ago, was undoubtedly one of the hardest days of my whole life, but it was also a day to honour the most incredible mother I have ever known, to remember you, to cherish all the ways you touched our lives, simply because you were a force of nature, a constant, the sun around which our family orbited, as your life woven with threads of fierce love, infectious laughter, stubborn strength, and yet, we were living in an incomprehensible world, and that was the impossible task we faced, how could we condense a universe into a few speeches and songs? How could we celebrate a symphony with a single note? How could we contain an ocean in a teacup? A single, fleeting day, could never be enough, but, we tried, we tried our best 

 

Ma, 3 years ago, that was a day I never, in my wildest fears, thought would come so soon, there was an unspoken belief that you would always be here, a steady, invincible presence in our lives, I would turn around, and there would be your cheerful smile, as the concept of a world without you in it was not just painful, but fundamentally illogical, a broken equation, a thought my heart refused to entertain, but, that day was built upon a foundation of never thoughts, we never conceived to do those screaming litany of things, choosing flowers felt like betraying your pretty garden, buying a purple urn felt surreal, how could something so cold and final be meant for you, who was warm and vibrant? Selecting music like trying to soundtrack the unsoundable

 

Ma, every purchase, every object, was a painful step further into the brutal new world, that defined solely by your sudden absence, every small detail, every tiny decision, was a fresh hammer blow, chipped away at the fragile hope I was clinging to so damn desperately, that maybe this was not happening, maybe you were not gone, though each one was a weight, a confirmation of a cruel reality I was not ready to accept, a reality that still feels impossible to hold even now, 3 years later, and yet, somehow, I did, somehow, we all did, because we had to, because you taught us to show up, to do what is right, even when it is unbelievably hard, especially then, because you deserved nothing less from us, because that was an act of love, our final gift to you

 

Ma, I never thought I would sit down to write a piece I could only write once, a piece that at attempting to describe a loss that is a physical ache, and to sum up the immeasurable love you had sown throughout a lifetime, I never thought I would walk into a room full of people, united in devastation, I never thought I would take my place in the front row of a ceremony for my own mother, it was the seat reserved for the bereaved and the lost, I kept expecting to feel your hand on my shoulder, to hear you whisper that, it was all a terrible mistake, but the silence in that space was yours, and it was the loudest, most deafening silence, I have ever known, as much as I realised all of it was for you, nonetheless, all I could feel was the astonish wrongness of it all

 

Ma, I never thought I would stand to give a speech, to speak you aloud in past tense, to do justice to the tremendous gift of your presence in our lives, that required strength I was not sure I had, and yet there I was, holding myself together through sheer love and heartbreak to deliver it, I spoke of you, your light, your spirit, your humour, your boundless love, I tried to find words profound enough, beautiful enough, true enough, for you, those words came from a place beyond me, a place you filled with reserves of courage I did not know existed, and that strength was borrowed from you, because you taught me to be brave, even when I did not feel it, because you showed me what resilience looks like, because you deserved to be heralded, and we did

 

Ma, but amidst the collective grief, and all these never thoughts, there was an added layer of heartache to an already unendurable day, an absence within the absence, your son, my brother, could not be there, the one and only person who knew and loved you, in the exact same way I did, from the same childhood home, through the same shared history, so, too, were your family and friends, who lived oceans away, their grief echoing across continents, we felt their absence profoundly, a palpable current running beneath our own, that day, we not only ached for you, but we also ached for them, we carried their absence in our hearts, we mourned on their behalf, a silent, sorrowful delegation of love for you, and the hole you left felt exponentially larger 

 

Ma, we came together 3 years ago to say thank you for the unrepeatable gift of your life, to witness your legacy, each face, each story, each tear was the proof that we were privileged to have you at all, and today, I still feel the ache of that day as vividly as if it was yesterday, but I also carry the beauty of it, though the service was only in a day, the celebration of you continues, since your impact is meant for a lifetime, my lifetime, and I realise now we really gathered that day, to promise we would never let you go, to plant a seed of remembrance, in the 3 years since, that seed has grown, every time I tell your story, every time I see your reflection in my own actions, every time I miss you with a love, that is as deep and as vast as the ocean you deserved