Four Months Without My Mum

Four Months Without My Mum

Unfortunately, people simply cannot understand

this pain, hurt and heartache of losing a loved one

until they are forced to live through it

Mum, Faxi & Me

Ma, 4 months on, we bereaved children are often getting judged, criticised, and ignored for missing you, remembering you, and grieving for you, sadly by people who know us, and by those who do not, as they erroneously think we are stuck, dwelling, and depressed, since we are still hurting, crying, aching, suffering, struggling, and continue speaking your name, talking your life and writing your memories, because they believe we should just hurry up, get over it and move on, or any other misconceptions

Ma, 4 months ago, we were surrounded by people and we felt their love in every word of comfort they impart and know that each is spoken from deep within the heart, though kind, sincere, and true, yet we felt so lonely and desperate, as most of them very soon got on with their own lives, and they expected us to do just that by moving on from our griefs, but thankfully we have still got a very few loyal friends remaining by our sides and being there for us whenever we needed during this difficult time

Ma, our pain, visible or not, is with us every breath and every step we take, every second of every day of every week of every month, so our grief simply cannot be watered down to such phrases, and such shallow summations, as the presumption is that since you left us 4 months ago, a seemingly finite event, how we are still grieving and not over it by now? In particular, we have been doing so for so long - as so long could mean 1 month, 100 days, 10 months, 1 year, 100 months, 1 decade, or longer

Ma, for those people who do not understand us, they could breathe a deep sigh of relief as they are so damn fortunate that they do not, ultimately, to be able to understand us means to be bereaved like we do, which we would not wish on our worst enemy and we sincerely hope that no one else truly understands, never, ever, that the truth of this cold fact is more or less impossible to express, as it does not even to begin to capture the reality of our daily lives, nor the excruciating pain in our bleeding hearts

Ma, we will have to live without you our precious irreplaceable Ma for the remainder of our life, not just the finite moment of your devastating passing, but every missed birthday, New Year, and milestone, every heartbeat and breath without you, hurts, it hurts yesterday, now, tomorrow, forever, and it will remain an ever present scar in our hearts, souls, minds and bodies always, we will never ever get over it, as our love and pain to be courageously and bravely carried, for our lifetime, and there is no end