This life, this version of the world without you in it

is not one I recognise, nor one I ever wanted to live

I loathe how mundane moments twist into gut-punches

how grief has woven itself into every part of my life

how joy feels tainted by the ache of your absence

I loathe, I loathe, and I loathe everything about it

because there is nothing feels the same anymore

I despise the silence that has replaced your laughter

I loathe how I still expect to hear you call my name

or see you walk into the room, only to be met

with a hollow, empty space, where you should be 

I loathe the reminders of you, and yet I cling to them

I loathe the simple, daily conversations that once felt

so small but now seem like treasures I took for granted

I resent the sun for rising without you, and I rage at

the world for spinning on as if nothing has changed

when, for me, everything has, I loathe life continues

as though nothing monumental has been lost

I detest the way people expect me to move on

I loathe this loneliness, when I am stuck in a place

where you still exist in my heart but not in reality

I loathe this excruciating pain, but most of all

I loathe the fact that no matter how much I cry

how much I wish, how much I scream into the night

I cannot change the truth that I have lost you

and there is nothing I can do to bring you back

since all I have left with, is this unbearable grief

and this loathing for a life I never asked for