My precious Mum, you are everywhere

in all the ways that matter, and yet

you are also nowhere at the same time

in all the ways that hurt me the most

my heart aches to hold you, who feels

both suffocatingly close and galaxies away

an absence so vast that swallows me whole

You are everywhere I am, because you are

the blueprint of who I became, you are in the

golden sunlight that dances through my window

in the hush of the wind that whispers of yesterday

you exist in the memories that flood my mind

in the warmth of a well-worn jacket that still

carries your scent, in the places we used to go

But, when I reach for you, when I call your name

in the silence of my soul, you are nowhere

nowhere my hands can touch, nowhere my

eyes can see, nowhere my voice can reach

nowhere is the birthday card unsigned

the phone that never rings with your number

nowhere is the future you should have inhabited

You are everywhere in my heart, my everywhere

but nowhere in my arms, and my nowhere

if everywhere and nowhere is where you are

then I will keep searching for you in the spaces

between, desperately hoping that somehow

someday, some way, it will pull me back to you

so I will carry both until I find you again